Wednesday, October 12, 2011

How To Make Being Sad Fun

I hope you’re not learning this for the first time via Telwips, but life is not always going to be happy. Often, things happen that suck, like, your car is broken into or your dad is murdered, and you experience an emotion called “sadness.” Societal norms would dictate that your goal should be to push through it and return to a state of contentment. But I challenge you to think differently. Indulging in sorrow is an enjoyable, underrated activity! Here are a few ways to make being sad fun.

Belt Sad Showtunes

This one is a given. I don’t care if you normally shy away from musical theater ballads, there is no better way to dig into your grief than by belting an Irving Berlin or Jason Robert Brown piece. Listening to one song on repeat makes you feel all the more pathetic yet empowered as you learn the lyrics but can’t get through the long notes without breaking into sobs. Some favorites include “Your Daddy’s Son” from Ragtime and “A Really Lousy Day In the Universe” from A New Brain.

Color Pictures

Not only is the repetitive motion therapeutic, but you’ll feel an improved sense of self-esteem as you note how far you’ve come from the days when you couldn’t color inside the lines. You might not have been accepted to that college, but they can never deny you the pride of having made that beautiful picture of a rainbow-colored centaur. You’re even able to draw a human nose now!

Tell Everyone

There’s something oddly satisfying about knowing you’re in the worst situation in the room. You won that round of Sorrow. Additionally, telling people your troubles can get you out of all sorts of unpleasant tasks – for instance, you can’t be expected to listen to other people’s complaints when you are going through what you’re going through. Or better yet, you can start to, but then they’ll get all embarrassed and self-conscious and be like, “Oh, not that it compares to your situation.” Damn right, better recognize.

Tell No One

It’s also fun to see if you can get other people to figure out that you’re upset. Sigh audibly and in varied octaves. Stare really hard until the tears you feel should be there actually arrive. Trail off mid-sentence; then start fumbling with a piece of jewelry – people will wonder if the ring has sentimental value to you. If nothing else, you’ll get attention without seeming like you’ve asked for it – the American dream.

Flirt With Crazy

It’s socially acceptable to stand around in the rain when you’re sad. You’re also welcome to fling yourself into walls or run away from people you don’t want to talk to, without explanation. It’s understood that this is a temporary mental state, and all will be forgiven once you’re back on your feet. Why not stave off boring normalcy and act really frickin’ nuts for a bit? Tip: this is the best time to buy Trader Joe’s whoopee pies.

Say Exactly What You Mean

As long as we’re doing things in anticipation of forgiveness, we might as well say all those things we’d never have had the guts to say when happy. If people are truly your friends, they’ll be forced to brush it off because you’re “in a bad way.” And if they’re not understanding, they’ll ditch you. Then you’ll know they weren’t really your friends in the first place, and you’ll no longer have to set aside a weekend brunch slot for them. Temporary honesty: everybody wins.


I hope you’re not learning this for the first time via telwips, but life is not always going to be happy. Often, things happen that suck, like, your car is broken into or your dad is murdered, and you experience an emotion called “sadness.” Societal norms would dictate that your goal should be to push through it and return to a state of contentment. But I challenge you to think differently. Indulging in sorrow is an enjoyable, underrated activity! Here are a few ways to make being sad fun.

Belt Sad Showtunes

This one is a given. I don’t care if you normally shy away from musical theater ballads, there is no better way to dig into your grief than by belting an Irving Berlin or Jason Robert Brown piece. Listening to one song on repeat makes you feel all the more pathetic yet empowered as you learn the lyrics but can’t get through the long notes without breaking into sobs. Some favorites include “Your Daddy’s Son” from Ragtime and “A Really Lousy Day In the Universe” from A New Brain.

Color Pictures

Not only is the repetitive motion therapeutic, but you’ll feel an improved sense of self-esteem as you note how far you’ve come from the days when you couldn’t color inside the lines. You might not have been accepted to that college, but they can never deny you the pride of having made that beautiful picture of a rainbow-colored centaur. You’re even able to draw a human nose now!

Tell Everyone

There’s something oddly satisfying about knowing you’re in the worst situation in the room. You won that round of Sorrow. Additionally, telling people your troubles can get you out of all sorts of unpleasant tasks – for instance, you can’t be expected to listen to other people’s complaints when you are going through what you’re going through. Or better yet, you can start to, but then they’ll get all embarrassed and self-conscious and be like, “Oh, not that it compares to your situation.” Damn right, better recognize.

Tell No One

It’s also fun to see if you can get other people to figure out that you’re upset. Sigh audibly and in varied octaves. Stare really hard until the tears you feel should be there actually arrive. Trail off mid-sentence; then start fumbling with a piece of jewelry – people will wonder if the ring has sentimental value to you. If nothing else, you’ll get attention without seeming like you’ve asked for it – the American dream.

Flirt With Crazy

It’s socially acceptable to stand around in the rain when you’re sad. You’re also welcome to fling yourself into walls or run away from people you don’t want to talk to, without explanation. It’s understood that this is a temporary mental state, and all will be forgiven once you’re back on your feet. Why not stave off boring normalcy and act really frickin’ nuts for a bit? Tip: this is the best time to buy Trader Joe’s whoopee pies.

Say Exactly What You Mean

As long as we’re doing things in anticipation of forgiveness, we might as well say all those things we’d never have had the guts to say when happy. If people are truly your friends, they’ll be forced to brush it off because you’re “in a bad way.” And if they’re not understanding, they’ll ditch you. Then you’ll know they weren’t really your friends in the first place, and you’ll no longer have to set aside a weekend brunch slot for them. Temporary honesty: everybody wins.

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