I'm going to be honest with you. I literally go to at least three different fast food restaurants at least three times a day to build the perfect meal. I have such a hard time deciding if I want tacos or chicken or lava cakes that I end up getting tacos AND chicken AND lava cakes. Thank God for Burger King, who is saving me at least one trip with their new pizza burger.
In the interest of efficiency and eating like a god damn monster, here are 7 different kinds of fast foods that I want to see combined.
Stuffed Crust Bread
In a move that straight-up revolutionized the pizza business, PIzza Hut took their best ingredient- the cheese- and stuffed it all up in their worst ingredient - the crust. I want Subway to take that cue and shove their best ingredient- low fat honey mustard, and put it in their worst ingredient- wheat bread. Imagine biting into that omega three bread and just popping into a pocket of honey mustard. That experience is the kind of brand marketing you can never shower away!
Mashed Potatoes and Sushi
There's something to be said for the mix between the perfectly prepared sushi rolls and the glob of goo that is mashed potatoes. Top it off with a nice wasabi/ soy sauce gravy and you're all set! To die. You are all set to die.
Sonic and the Area I Live In
Sonic airs so many commercials in markets where they don't have any restaurants, and it's distressing. I see that they fry cheese curds, cheese cakes, even cheese balls! I don't know if cheese balls are something Sonic actually serves or if I made it up in my imagination just now, but until they move into my region, I can dream up anything on their menu and assume it's real! So head on down to Sonic! They sell catfish pasta and dandelion soup!
Double Down with Fire-Grilled Chicken
Let's encase the Double Down with two MORE chicken patties, but this time the flame-grilled kind from El Pollo Loco. Then I want to layer that, so let's put that inside of a whole fried chicken. And poke that with fire grilled chicken legs. Hell, let's just shove that chicken slime into another chicken while we're at it. And then stuff that chicken in a copy of the movie Inception. And then put it all inside a Blu Ray deluxe edition of the movie INCEPTION. And then cover that in yellow sauce and bacon and put it between two chicken patties. If you're especially hungry, you can put two flame-grilled chicken breasts on the outside of that and do another lap.
All Bread Products with Chicken Patties
And on that note, once you try the KFC Double Down, there's no going back to bread. Chicken is the new bread. Someday our grandchildren will ask us what it was like in the dark days before we realized we could should put peanut butter and jelly in between fried chicken.
Chicken Rings linked with Onion Rings
I am so tired of biting into breading, not knowing what's inside, and invariably being disappointed. Instead of being happy that there's either a. chicken or b. onion inside isn't a happy experience. It makes me sad that I don't get the other one too. It's like buying a PlayStation 3 and getting Uncharted, but you really want to play Gears of War as well. I propose linking these fried rings together, like so many magicians' tricks. I'd know how to separate THOSE rings: By biting them in half! Yum YUM.
Filet O' Fish + Time
Have you ever ordered a bag of, like, 8 Filet O' Fishes, ate your standard three, and came back later to find an extra five Filet O' Fishes? Somehow, McDonald's Filet O' Fish is the only fast food sandwich that gets BETTER if you leave it out unrefrigerated for a few hours. If you've never tried this, then man, you haven't lived! And if you have tried it, you probably won't live. So it sounds like you won't be living. Decide if you want that to be literal or figurative.
Mushroom Swiss Chalupa
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