The new Facebook is here and if you don't have it yet I'm sure you're well aware about it from the panicked status updates of your close friends and acquaintances. It's so bad people are begging Justin Timberlake to hurry up on that MySpace revamp. So what's the big deal? Here's a look at some of the suck.
Facebook Decides What's Important To YOU!
Remember how you used to have that tab with a choice for 'top news' and 'recent news' and you would always just ignore the top news one? Now you can't choose anymore. Facebook knows what you want and what's important to you. It's true. They have algorithms. I can barely spell that word. I had to quadruple check the spelling and it still doesn't look right to me.
It Looks Uglier
Facebook was pretty boring before but at least it was kind of soothing with its simplicity and its calming blues. Now I feel like a need to pop a Ritalin when I'm looking at it. There is SO much going on! The only agitation I wanna feel from looking at Facebook is when my cousin posts the umpteenth picture of her newborn baby's weird mustard-colored poos.
Subscribe Button? More Like Stalker Button!
This makes for people in the public eye...but seriously? There is only one reason you'd wanna follow someone without having to go through the rigmarole of having them approve you first. And it probably involves Edward Cullen-like behavior without the sparkle. The subscribe button is the equivalent of standing outside someone's window and watching them sleep. But still less creepy, so subscribe away!
Real Time News Ticker
This is kind of like Facebook's ode to Twitter, only instead of witty bon mots, you get to see things like your 13-year-old cousin spending an hour liking and commenting on everything Justin Bieber posts. Remind me to take her off my family list until she grows out of this phase.
Huge Photos
I guess this is kind of a good thing? The thumbnail ones were kind of annoying, but at least if it wasn't something you wanted to see it wasn't so in your face. Remember when I mentioned the mustard-colored poo pics ? Not so bad in a teeny thumbnail.
Awkward Group Decisions
I don't get the groups. I don't have time to sort people or time to even figure out HOW to sort people. And I certainly don't want to be grouped together with my family. This is supposed to make it easier to decide who gets to see what I post? Sounds like too much work. And Facebooking is what I do instead of work.
News Feed Now Clogged With Complaints About Facebook
Perhaps the most annoying new feature is the prolific amounts of status updates threatening to go back to MySpace or Friendster. Even worse... the smug invitations to join someone on Google+. SIDE NOTE: Do the Google+ lovers just keep their Facebook account to taunt us? Come on Zuckerberg! Get your act together. These whiners' "stories" are not important to me! You're going DOWN, algorithms!
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